The Church Of Me
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Kissing in the churchyard, I know a righteous woman

Friday, November 08, 2002
TRINA! TRINA! TRINA!

Trina! She's a bad muthafucka! She knows what she wants! And she knows how to get it! She don't not take not no shit from no one nohow! She got SASS! She got CLASS! So does Missy! So has Eve! And they're both on her second album! Diamond Princess! It's a MUTHAFUCKA of an album! You should have gone out and bought it by now! It's FEMALE! But not written by MALES! Not even Trick Daddy! Even though it's on Slip 'N' Slide! It tells you nothing! You've not heard a thousand times before! But hearing something a thousand times before! Doesn't invalidate it! On the contrary! We need it to be said a thousand times MORE! The alternative! Vanessa Creaming-Myself Carlton! india.oprah.arie.ronankeating.singmeout.ofmy.coma! Norah Jones! She's sensitive! But not really!

Listen to "Hustling"! Chat show format! Deconstructed! "Tell us a little about yourself - WHAM BAM!" Socked in the jaw! "No more fuckin' questions!" This track drives! Like "Revolutionary Generation" with 20 basslines! All swirling and undercutting! Hear "Told Y'All!" Military orders! "Get back down on your ass"! Orchestral/tympani backing! Approaching menace! Rick Ross! Not Rikrok! It wasn't him! He can't do nuthin' about it! He is a slave to subtext! And loving it!

Missy E! On "Rewind That Back"! No it's not a dress rehearsal for "Work It"! She has a weird, wobbly Parkinsonian tremor of a vibrato! She is reeling in her self-induced drunken euphoria! The two ladies swoon around and beyond each other! Courtly love!

"B R Right!" With Ludacris! OPEN THE MUTHAFUCKIN' DOOR TO HEAR THIS TUNE! It is Eastern! Another one! But different in its addictiveness! The violin refrain is more lugubrious! Sadder! Lends a poignancy to the outrageous assertions of Ludacris! It ROCKS and TREADS ASTRIDE BONES!

But "U & Me"! This MF KILLS ME! It takes the The Blueprint blueprint! The O'Jays at 81 rpm! She swears devotion! To the other! It is cathartic! Goddamit listen to the way she slides with apparent rhythmic nonchalance straight into a percussively and aesthetically bang on target emotional punctum when she proclaims "you and me" as a climax directly in tandem with the sample! The backing is immense! It swirls around you! Like Blackpool Illuminations designed by Bruce Nauman!

"Nasty Bitch" whacks a couple of thousand bees on the head with its woozy but skull-piercing attack! Money Mark is on this one! Not that Money Mark! That would have versed him well in compression! Another one! "No Panties"! ARE COMING OFF! With Tweet! The artful bemusement of Tweet's innocence coupled with the KNOWING and WINKING catapult which Trina fires across scrubs' line of fire! This is another Missy production! Oh my GOD I cannot wait for the Missy album! Out on Monday! I'm having the fucker BIKED to me! I will EAT it! DIGEST it! CELEBRATE it! 'Cos man! This ain't but a warm-up! Not a substitute!

"I Wanna Holla" goes all salsa on my butt! Why the fuck salsa classes in the winter! Who be wanting to tread through sodden primary school leaves ready to trip you up and break your muthafuckin' rubber-soled ass! But this is FINE! It is GREAT POP! Don't forget that! Most pop has! "How We Do" is BRUTAL! ELECTRO! But POIGNANT too! Listen to those echoed minor chord changes! Like Inner City! Back to Detroit! "All My People"! Damn! Freestyling! Digressing! Video for "Good Life"! Paris Grey curling herself around London autumnal landmarks! Celebrating the good life! With Kevin Saunderson's ineffably sad keyboard lines and harmonies telling us that really it ISN'T! Back to the album! OK! "Kandi"! "Candy Girl" in other words! An Arthur Baker production originally! New Edition! Pretty damn avant-garde number one when you think about it! This trots along agreeably! But runs out of its idea halfway through! Damn shame! Should have got the Smart-Es to punctumise it a bit! If they can get the afternoon off at Burger King in Lewisham! Or Deutsche Bank at London Wall! What do you reckon!

"Ladies" has Eve! It's more FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE Human League electro! Major chords this time! A stroll through the park! No darkness! Miss Otis does NOT regret! She had no cheating fucker to shoot! Thank God for that! Sondheim's "Ladies Who Lunch" recasted by John Singleton!

"Get This Money" is more BRUTTTTTTTAL Phuture electro! It be about getting this money! The last three songs on this album tell us that THIS is what matters! Of course it damn does! If you want to live in Trina's mouth! Check out "100%"! The memory of Gwen Guthrie is honoured! You still GOT to have a J! O! B! And the fucker doesn't even sound desperate! The Other as lifestyle option! The music says poignant! But you are wanting to make love! She just wants to fuck! Or fly to Paris just to have breakfast! Just as the last song "Do You Want Me?" with the coolly confident confidante/sucker Bathgate on hand! No not that Bathgate! No disused car factories on the M8! No Dustin Hoffman characterisations! She wants, he is offering, but they are aware that really it's all a game! So they play with each other! Their voices tremble! They want to get on with it! It's genuine ecstasy! There's no metre, no barline! They swoon conversely towards each other! And of course BECOME each other as a result! She swallows him! Man, how she loves it!

Don't be misled into thinking this is just a stopgap until the Missy album! It's more than that! You need them both! I need as MUCH of this SHINY YELLOW NEW RAP as I can find! Because it speaks to me! Get out of the stockroom! Breathe the gloriously unpurified air of the world! And GET this joint of joints!


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
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