The Church Of Me
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Kissing in the churchyard, I know a righteous woman

Thursday, August 15, 2002
The best, most real representation of unrestrained, passionate love in music is NOT the dead reassurance of Gates or Young. It does not pretend to scream like Dion or Carey. It exhibits itself in joyous chaos. It is there in the ineffable drive of 2 Many DJs. The feedback of Psychocandy SCREAMS IT FOR REAL. The jumbled up, glorious mix and splice chaos of "Re-Make/Re-Model." The ecstasy of Ayler in '64 or Sanders in '66. If you want to understand love in music, you need to understand that it is un/deregulated manifestations of chaos sculpting itself into new beauty.

And in the great commas of silence which bestride Presley's '55 "Blue Moon." Colonising his own planet and failing to realise it.


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
. . .
Interpol derive from Warsaw as Warsaw derived from the Stooges. Everyone evolves. Can we give them some time please?


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
. . .
"(scream)
Theme
Now I understand (ha, ha, ha)

Now I understand (ha, ha, ha)
Theme going on and on and on
It’s not the same anymore
No, never, never no
Wish
Wish
Wish I could die

Now walk alone
Now walk in drain
Does not compute
Not a cliche
And I wish I could die (ha, ha, ha)

Random
There is only one reaction
You must never underestimate
And I wish I
And I wish I could die (ha, ha, ha)

Now understand

Now I understand
It doesn’t matter no more
Another leap in the dark
I will survive
And I wish I could die
And I wish I could die
And I wish I
I wish I
I wish I could die (ha, ha, ha)

It’s only excuses
Never mistaking
Rhyme or reason
No, never no never
And I wish I could die
And I wish I
And I wish I could die (ha, ha, ha)
I wish I could die

Understand
Theme’s going on
On and on and on
I wish I could die

No, never no more
Does not compute
Walk alone out of the drain
It’s not cliche
Wish I
Wish
Wish I could die
And I wish I could die (ha, ha, ha)
And I wish I could die

On and on and on and on
Will survive
I wish I could die
I will survive
I wish I could die

Understanding doesn’t matter no more
Leap in the dark
I will survive
Wish I could die
Wish I could die
Wish I could die
Wish I could die

I just died

[Terminal boredom]"

("Theme" by PiL, 1978)


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
. . .
"He is a great man - like all great men he is never satisfied that he has chosen the right path in life. Even being President, he feels, may somehow not be right. He is a man who has within him the devil of self-destruction that lives in every genius. You know that you're absolutely great, there is no question of that, but have you chosen the right road? Should I be a monk? Should I jerk off in the park? Should I just fuck everybody and forget about everything else? Should I be President? It is not self-doubt; it is cosmic doubt! What am I going to do - I am the best, I know that, now what do I do with it?"

(Excerpt from Senator Blake Pellarin's monologue, taken from the as yet unfilmed screenplay of The Big Brass Ring by Orson Welles and Oja Kodar).


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
. . .
C L R JAMES ON WEST INDIAN WRITERS
VS T S ELIOT & JEAN-PAUL SARTRE:
THE NEW WORLD & THE OLD


"There is Mr T S Eliot. We can abuse him properly because he is dead. I am going to read two passages from his poem Four Quartets. There is not the faintest trace in Wilson Harris of the quality possessed in all the modern writers who really matter. These modern European writers are sick to the soul. How Sartre could have the nerve after all he has been writing and the number of people who have gone to gaol for him and whom he has led in demonstrations and whom he has encouraged to believe in this to say that he is now a man who for the last ten years can only look back at the past and wonder at the nonsense he has been guilty of... At least he should have kept his mouth shut. He should have said nothing."
(Transcription from a lecture delivered at UWI, Mona, on 3 June 1965).

"I believe that musicians should keep quiet, because the minute we open our mouths, we tell lies."
(Johnny Dyani, South African kwela-jazz composer/bassist/singer/talisman, 1970)



posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
. . .
"Me, when I'm utterly exhausted by it all, when my skin breaks out, on those lonely evenings when I call my friends again and again and nobody's home, then I despise my whole life - my birth, my upbringing, everything. I feel only regret for the whole thing.

But - ...

No matter what, I want to continue living with the awareness that I will die. Without that, I am not alive. That is what makes the life I have now possible.

Inching one's way along a steep cliff in the dark: on reaching the highway, one breathes a sigh of relief. Just when one can't take any more, one sees the moonlight. Beauty that seems to infuse itself into the heart: I know about that."

(Kitchen, Banana Yoshimoto)

I can see the (dreamed) highway; my view is clear but access to it is as yet uncertain.

How do you deal with passion which cannot be wholly controlled? How do you tell your best friend that you love her, that you would like to be much more than just a friend, that you want, you desire, to be close to her, but tell her in such a way that she doesn't feel that you are suffocating her? Telling this to anyone is an act of courage. But it has to be done. If you are to establish a real and full relationship with someone, you cannot allow things, feelings, to go unspoken. There has to be absolute and complete honesty. In the meantime, you get frustrated because these emotions are boiling up within you all the time; you are ACHING, DYING to say these things to her but don't get the opportunity because, well, she has her own very busy life as well and you have to respect that. But if you love her enough, if you really care about her, you DO respect that. Give her the space she deserves.

And you do not want too much time to think things over and analyse and theorise again and again. Why should you? You know what you want to say and what you have to do. OK, we know from Barthes that the language is perhaps inadequate - everything might sound like a cliche but you have to look for what is being felt underneath these overused words.

You want her to know that you are here for her. You want her to know that you want her, and that if she wants you too then you are here for her.

You need to tell her properly. You need to say it to her. It is a risk. Everything that is worth living for is a risk. You have to take it. I have to take it. I will take it. I will tell her.


posted by Marcello Carlin Permalink
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